The Values That Guide Me in This Season of Life

One of the most valuable parts of participating in the George W. Bush Institute’s Stand-To Veteran Leadership Program has been the opportunity to examine not just what I want to accomplish as a leader, but how and why I lead.

As part of a recent module, I was asked to identify three values that guide me. It sounds like a simple exercise. But when you stop and really consider the values that influence your decisions, not just the ones that sound good, but the ones that actually show up in how you live and lead, it requires some reflection.

Something else struck me during this exercise. Our values do not necessarily stay the same throughout every season of our lives.

The things that guide us at 20 may not be the same things that rise to the top at 40. Our experiences change us. Our responsibilities change. We become spouses, parents, leaders, mentors, caregivers, or something else entirely. The values we prioritize can shift along with those experiences.

That does not mean the values we held before were wrong or no longer matter. It means that different seasons of life can bring certain values into sharper focus.

At this point in my life, mine are clear:

Family. Work Ethic. Service.

Family: My Compass

Family has always steered my decision-making. Over the years, I have learned that to achieve equilibrium in my life, I need to put family first.

That was true even before we had children, but becoming a mom has only reinforced it. As I have navigated a career in the military and public service while also being a military spouse and raising our children, I have become much more intentional about recognizing what equilibrium looks like for me.

There will always be another project, another opportunity, another problem to solve, or another goal to chase. Family is what keeps all of those things in perspective.

Family is my compass.

Work Ethic: How I Operate

I grew up being taught by my parents and family that no matter what you do, you should work hard and do it well.

That lesson has stayed with me.

I believe there is tremendous value in being someone who is willing to tackle the task in front of you, put in the work, and see it through. People notice work ethic. Over time, it pays dividends, not simply because of what you accomplish, but because of what it says about your character.

Now, it is a value I hope to pass on to my own children, just as my parents and family taught me:

Whatever you choose to do, work hard and do it well.

Service: My Purpose

As part of a dual-military family and as a civil servant, service is in my DNA. I hope to instill that in my children.

But to me, service extends far beyond wearing a uniform or working in government.

I believe service is the tax you pay to live on this earth.

We all have something we can contribute. It might be our time, our expertise, our voice, our connections, or simply our willingness to step forward when something needs to be done.

I try to live by a simple mantra:

If not me, then who?

That question has shaped so much of my professional and advocacy work. When I see a barrier affecting military families, I have a hard time simply walking past it. If I have the ability to help solve it, connect the right people, elevate a story, or push for a better policy, I believe I have a responsibility to try.

I want my children and others to see that in my actions and carry it forward.

Service is my purpose.

Values in Action

One of my biggest takeaways from this exercise is that values do not mean much simply because we write them down or include them in a leadership statement.

They matter when people can see them in how we live.

I also walked away from this exercise recognizing that there is value in periodically asking ourselves what matters most right now. As our lives evolve, it is worth taking the time to consider whether the values guiding our decisions have evolved too.

Today, I want my children to know that you put the people you love first. You work hard at whatever is in front of you. You serve others. And you leave your community a little better than you found it.

Family is my compass. Work ethic is how I operate. Service is my purpose.

These are the values guiding me in this season of my life. They may evolve as I do, and I think there is something important in acknowledging that.

For now, they are helping shape the leader I am becoming through the George W. Bush Institute’s Stand-To Veteran Leadership Program. More importantly, they are shaping the spouse, mother, advocate, public servant, and person I choose to be.

Ultimately, perhaps the most important question is not simply, “What are my values?”

It is, “What are my values in this season of life, and does the way I live and lead reflect them?”