Once Upon a Time, There Lived a Servicewoman Who Asked, “Why Not?”

The story of how one policy change became something much bigger

As part of the Stand-To Veteran Leadership Program at the George W. Bush Institute, we were recently asked to do something that sounded deceptively simple: tell our leadership story using the Pixar Pitch.

The framework is familiar:

Once upon a time…

Every day…

One day…

Because of that…

Because of that…

Until finally…

Six prompts. A few sentences. Tell your story.

But when I sat down to write mine, I realized I wasn’t just completing a storytelling exercise. I was tracing a path I didn’t fully recognize while I was walking it.

My first attempt went something like this:

Once upon a time, there lived a servicewoman who wanted to make positive change within the military.

Every day, she felt there was more she could do to break bureaucracy for good.

One day, she met a fellow servicewoman who showed her how to change policy.

Because of that, she changed Department of Defense policy to better support lactating parents.

Because of that, she knew what her mission was: to use her knowledge to be a force for good for all military families.

Until finally, she created an ecosystem where military members could serve and have thriving families.

It was accurate.

But the more I looked at it, the more I realized there was something bigger hiding between those lines.

I Didn’t Start Out Trying to Be a Policy Advocate

There wasn’t a moment early in my military career when I announced, “I’m going to change Department of Defense policy.”

I was a servicewoman and an attorney. I understood rules. I interpreted policies. I worked within systems.

And, like so many people in large organizations, when I encountered a rule that didn’t make sense, I often assumed someone somewhere had decided there was a good reason for it.

Then another servicewoman (Lt Col Alea Nadeem) showed me something that fundamentally changed the way I viewed leadership.

Policy wasn’t something that simply happened to us.

We could change it.

That realization changed the trajectory of my career.

I began asking different questions.

Why is the policy written this way?

Who has the authority to change it?

Who is being affected by it?

What evidence exists?

Whose story isn’t being heard?

And perhaps most importantly:

Why can’t we make it better?

One Policy Changed More Than a Policy

One of those questions eventually led to a change in Department of Defense policy that better supported lactating service members.

The policy change mattered.

But what happened to me in the process mattered too.

I learned that one person identifying a barrier could start something much bigger.

I learned that lived experience could become evidence.

Evidence could become advocacy.

Advocacy could become policy.

And policy could change someone’s everyday life.

Once I understood that, I couldn’t unsee it.

I started noticing barriers everywhere.

And instead of walking past them, I started asking what it would take to change them.

Then the Mission Got Bigger

Over time, I realized something else.

Changing policies one at a time wasn’t enough.

There are thousands of military families experiencing challenges right now who may never know that the problem they are facing isn’t uniquely theirs. They may not know who has the authority to fix it. And the people with the power to change a policy may never understand its human impact unless someone tells them the story.

That realization became part of the reason I created White Lace & Combat Boots.

I wanted a place where policy and storytelling could meet.

A place where we could explain complicated policies in ways military families could actually understand.

A place where families could see that their experiences matter.

A place where decision-makers could understand the people behind the policies they write.

And a place where someone else might discover what another servicewoman once taught me:

You don’t have to accept a broken system simply because you didn’t create it.

My Story Is Still Being Written

That may be what I appreciate most about the Pixar Pitch exercise.

My “until finally” hasn’t actually happened yet.

I haven’t created the ecosystem I envision.

I’m building it.

My Personal Leadership Project through the Stand-To Veteran Leadership Program is another chapter in that story. I am continuing to work on policy barriers affecting military families, including my current effort to expand support for military families transporting breast milk during military moves.

But the goal is bigger than any single policy change.

I envision a military community where lived experiences inform decision-makers, where advocates know how to navigate systems, where leaders are willing to challenge policies that no longer serve the people they were designed to support, and where military members don’t have to choose between serving their country and having a thriving family.

Maybe my Pixar Pitch shouldn’t end with “until finally” after all.

Maybe it should end like this:

Until finally, she realized the goal wasn’t to become the person who changed every policy. It was to help build an ecosystem where more people knew they could change them too.

Because leadership isn’t just about the change we make ourselves.

It’s about making change possible for the people who come after us.

Policy informs culture. Stories preserve legacy.